Ewwww, moldy bed
“So I was married to this complete deadbeat faggot for 2 and 1/2 years. Did something retarded and got married at 19. BIG MISTAKE! He always tried to control me the entire time we were together, telling me I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere unless he was with me, accused me of cheating when I was 5 minutes away at my girl’s house, and told me I was whoring myself out to the entire state when my mom would call and I woulnd’t answer the phone because he couldn’t hear my voicemail. This past June, I finally got sick and tired of trying to change him and make things work. So I said to hell with it. I told him I was going to Maryland to visit some family for a week, when I was really going 750 miles in the opposite direction. 2 days later, he called me to tell me my brother hadn’t been over to feed our cats. I asked him one question: “How are you supposed to know what he’s been doing when I got a restraining order on you to stay the fuck away from MY house and MY family on the way to the airport?! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE! I went back on month later to set the divorce in motion and noticed my bed was missing. Yeah, my parents did me a solid there. Turns out his nasty ass was pouring all kinds of water and pop all over our bed wehn he would come home drunk as fuck at 5 in the morning and the whole mattress was infested with mold, so they let him keep it without telling him it’s condition. I hope you like your moldy, clamidia infested strippers, you cocksucker! By the way, Dad’s still waiting for his $150K you STOLE FROM HIM! I hope you get AIDS you fucking bitch!”
Submitted By: “Stephi“
Lock puppies out of your room before having sex
“When I was in college I was dating this guy at another school. One weekend I went to visit him and was so excited to see him because it had been about a month. He lived in an apartment off campus with a friend of his. His friend/roomate had just recently gotten a new puppy too. Coincidently, that same weekend I was visiting, his roomate was going away somewhere and asked my boyfriend if he could watch his new puppy for him. My boyfriend obviously said yes without hesitation. Later that night, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. We had no idea where his roomates puppy was, he must have been lingering around the apt. Things started getting intense between us and we were having sex missionary style. All of a sudden i felt something weird by my pussy and it felt like there was a tongue down there or something. I was like “what the hell is going on?” so we had to stop. It ended up that the puppy had fit in a really small space between our legs and was licking my pussy. I could not believe that happened. It was funny/mortifying.
A token of advice.. lock puppies out of your room before having sex. Unfortuately, I learned this the hard way!”
Submitted By: “WE“
Blue Balls in the Back Seat from a Virgin
“My best friend was dating this hot girl for a couple of months. He told me that she had a hot virgin friend that she wanted to hook me up with. I was totally down to meet her. C’mon what guy would turn down an offer like that. Finally one night we all agreed to meet up. He wasnt lying she was so hot. We decided to split up so we could start getting it on. Since we had nowhere to go I found a shady street and parked on it. We started making out and things were getting hot and heavy. We moved to my backseat and I started eating her out when the cops showed up. I was freaking out as the cop walked up to the car, and when we rolled down the window I realized it was my neighbor! After realizing who I was and what was happening, he told us to go about our business quickly then leave. I went back and continued to eat her out where she proceeded to tell me she was a virgin (which I already knew but pretended I didnt). She told me she was ready for it and asked if I had a condom, which I did. We starting having sex and everything was going fine until she turned around to me and told me she didnt want to do it anymore and that she was done and that she wanted me to bring her home. Obviously that is not what I wanted to hear, but I took her home and went home with a nice set of blue balls. I never saw her again but she will always be the girl who slut her virginity to a stranger in the backseat of a car.”
Submitted By: “CV“
Once a whore always a whore!.
“I was really good friends with these 2 girls that were best friends and big whores. One night we were chillin at my house all bored and shit when I suggested that we have a threesome. Not thinking they’d go for it at all because we were really good friends (even tho they were whores), they said yes. So we all starting hooking up and I starting fucking one of them in the ass while the other one watched. As soon as I was done I pulled my dick out of the first girls ass and stuck it in the other girls mouth. She then proceeded to give me head without question. As soon as I was done with that I decided it was time for them to leave and told them they had to get the fuck out. I am still friends with them today and lets put it this way…once a whore always a whore!”
Submitted By: “SL“
Not Appreciated.
“I was dating this freshmen at the college I go to for about a little over a month. I really liked her and everything was going great. We were really into each other and she was a really good fuck. One night we were having amazing sex and we were both so into it that when I was done I busted in her. A few seconds later that bust shot right out of her pussy and onto the bed. My immediate reaction was hysterical laughter, but my girl didnt think it was funny at all. She got completely embarrassed, got dressed, and left my dorm room. The next day she called me up and told me that she didnt appreciate me laughing at her the night before and that this wasnt going to work out and broke up with me. That was the end of that but hey at least i got a laugh out of it.”
Submitted By: “JJ“
College rules!
“I was dating this college guy when I was in high school. One weekend I lied to my parents and got a ride from his friends Adam and Michelle, who were dating, and went to visit him. We were all excited to have a nice drunken fun-filled weekend. Saturday night arrived and we went to my boyfriends fraternity house where there were strippers. To impress him I licked one of the strippers nipples. After the strippers we all went to the bar and got plastered. Finally it was really late and we all went back to his dorm room. That is where it all began. My boyfriend and Adam decided that it would be hot if me and Michelle starting hooking up with each other. We went for it and I starting going down on her and then she went down on me. My other friend Nicole was with us and she wanted to join in on the action too, so she started going down on Michelle and getting really into it. Adam and my boyfriend were in heaven and were so delighted to be watching us. When Nicole was done going down on Michelle, she started fucking Adam, while Michelle watched. I just stuck to banging my boyfriend. The next morning everyone looked at each other like what a wild night!
All I can say is that this night turned out to be more interesting than I predicted. Thank you college and alcohol!”
Submitted By: “JB“
The Bee’s Knees
“one halloween i dressed up as a sexy bumble bee and i partied with the best of them in several clubs until the wee hours of the morning-at which point i escorted a nice austrian tourist back to his hotel across town. we had a lovely time together and i even went for an early morning dip in the pool. the next day i didnt want to linger too long (as we were no longer drunk) and he had things to do so we decided to part ways. and since we had taken a cab to the hotel i had no way to get home and i had to call a friend to pick me up. unfortunately, my friend had errands to run before taking me home and all i had to wear was a one piece bumble bee tutu and fuck-me pumps (somewhere during the night id lost my wings and antennae). a couple hours and more than enough embarrassment later i finally got home and came to the decision: no more halloween one-night stands.”
Submitted By: “BK“
Or Hell
“I was in south beach one night and met this brown haired/blue eyed hottie. After an hour or two she suggested we go back to her place as it was right down the road. When we got there, I noticed there was some noise coming from the other room and the door was shut. She said she had a roommate so I left it alone but after about an hour of drinking on her couch, her roommate walked out and introduced herself with a joint. Now at this point im obviously a little fucked up so I started making out with my girl and as luck would have it her hot roommate joined in the fun. Probably the best threesome ive ever had…. until the morning.
At 9am my girls mother and father walked into the apartment and found the three of us naked and passed out on my girls bed! Needless to say, the father wanted to kill me and the mother started crying. I excused myself to go downstairs and have a smoke, of course I jumped into my car and got the hell out of there as fast as I could. A week later I went back to the girls apartment only to find out the parents had moved her back into their home, so I dealt with it the way any normal guy would… I just fucked the roommate!”
Submitted By: “DG”
Only 1 Minute
“I was having sex with this guy I was hooking up with for a few weeks. When we were finished he waited only 1 minute before turning around to me and telling me to get the fuck out of his house because he wasnt in the mood to cuddle and was tired. I stayed for about 20 minutes after that before bouncing thinking to myself What a Douchebag!”
Submitted By: “SO”
I’m saving myself.
“I met this girl online through a dating website, so I knew it was going to be a 50/50 chance of being weird. I met up with the girl, went out for dinner, then met up with her friends. We were enjoying ourselves out, having a good time, when we decided to go back to my place. Things were getting heavy when she made a confession to me. “I’m a virgin,” she said. She told me she wasn’t ready to give up her v-card, but she had a suggestion. She said “I don’t have sex, but I’ll let you stick it in my ass.” I told her that was a little weird, but went along with it. After finishing I asked her why she would partake in the backdoor action, but not normal sex. She told me “I’m saving myself for marriage.” After that I told her blatantly that she was a little fucked up in the head and that she should go, but that she could call me sometime.
Good luck to her future husband.”
Submitted By: “SD”
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